Anxiety: The connection between the brain, anxiety, and social roles.
Anxiety and behaviors that could be termed “people pleasing” are closely linked, both stemming from complex neurological and psychological processes. Here’s a look at how they connect:
The Role of the Brain:
The brain’s involvement in both anxiety and people-pleasing behaviors primarily revolves around areas like the amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and anterior cingulate cortex, which regulate emotions, decision-making, and social behaviors.
Amygdala: This brain structure is central in processing emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. When an individual experiences anxiety, the amygdala activates, signaling the body to prepare for "fight or flight." In people-pleasing individuals, the amygdala may also trigger heightened anxiety when there's a perceived threat to social harmony or rejection from others.
Prefrontal Cortex (PFC): This area helps regulate behavior, making decisions, and considering long-term consequences. In anxiety, especially social anxiety, the PFC might struggle to override impulsive emotional responses generated by the amygdala. People-pleasers may have an overactive PFC that drives them to constantly think about how others view them, leading to compulsive efforts to gain approval.
Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC): The ACC is linked to conflict monitoring and emotional regulation. In people with high anxiety, the ACC may become hyperactive, leading to an inability to manage the emotional discomfort of saying "no" or confronting others, thus perpetuating people-pleasing tendencies.
Social Anxiety and Approval-Seeking:
Anxiety often manifests as social anxiety, where there’s an overwhelming fear of judgment or rejection. For people who tend to please others, this fear can lead them to prioritize others’ needs and emotions over their own to avoid conflict or disapproval.
The neurological connection here is the fear of rejection, which triggers anxiety responses. The brain interprets potential social rejection as a threat, leading to an anxious response that drives people-pleasing behaviors. In extreme cases, people may act in ways they don’t authentically feel to avoid perceived rejection or conflict.
The connection between maternal roles, anxiety, and people-pleasing behaviors is complex and can be influenced by a variety of psychological, social, and cultural factors. Here's an exploration of how these three aspects may be interrelated:
parental Roles and Expectations:
Cultural and Societal Pressures: Many cultures have specific expectations of parents, including selflessness, nurturing, and the ability to balance family, work, and personal life. This can create immense pressure on parents to be perfect, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
Attachment and Parenting Styles: The way parents interacts with children can influence her mental health. For example, if a parent is overly focused on meeting children's emotional needs without adequately addressing their own, this can lead to emotional exhaustion and anxiety. It can also encourage people-pleasing behaviors, as the mother may internalize the belief that value is tied to the ability to meet the needs of others.
The expectations of parents on children may set up a child for failure in having unrealistic expectations of parental approval. This sets up a person for inevitable failure as the insight gained results in feelings of inadequacy, guilt and self punishment.
People-Pleasing Behaviors:
Seeking Approval: People-pleasing often arises from the need for approval and validation from others. In the case of mothers, this might stem from societal expectations or family dynamics where there is an implicit or explicit expectation that mothers should always be "available" and meet the needs of others. This behavior can often be a response to feelings of insecurity or fear of rejection.
Neglecting Own Needs: In their pursuit of meeting the needs of others, particularly their children or family members, mothers may suppress their own needs and desires. This neglect can lead to burnout, anxiety, and resentment, as the cycle of people-pleasing creates an imbalance between giving and receiving.
Difficulty Saying "No": People-pleasers often have difficulty setting boundaries because they fear the consequences of disappointing others. In the context of motherhood, this might mean overextending oneself—taking on too many tasks, committing to unrealistic expectations, or sacrificing personal time—all of which can heighten anxiety.
Psychological Dynamics:
Fear of Rejection and Abandonment: Some people-pleasers, particularly mothers, may have an underlying fear of rejection or abandonment that is rooted in their own early childhood experiences. This fear might manifest as anxiety in adulthood, particularly when they feel that their efforts to please others are not being recognized or reciprocated.
Codependency: In some cases, the desire to meet others' needs can lead to codependent dynamics. Mothers may become enmeshed with their children or other family members, sacrificing their own well-being in the process. This can create a cycle of anxiety and people-pleasing that is hard to break without intervention.
The Reward System and People-Pleasing:
People-pleasing can also be reinforced by the brain’s dopamine system. When a person successfully gains approval from others, it activates the brain’s reward pathways, releasing dopamine — the “feel-good” neurotransmitter. For someone with anxiety, receiving positive feedback can temporarily alleviate anxious feelings, reinforcing the cycle of people-pleasing.
Conversely, if the person fears rejection or fails to please others, they may experience heightened anxiety due to the negative emotional consequences, further entrenching the cycle.
Overactivation of the Stress Response:
Anxious individuals often have a heightened hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis response. The stress hormone cortisol is released when the brain perceives a threat, including social threats. For those with a tendency to please, cortisol levels may rise when they're faced with potential social conflict or when they feel unable to meet others’ expectations, leading to physical and emotional stress. Over time, this continuous stress response can exacerbate both anxiety and people-pleasing behaviors, creating a vicious cycle.
Cognitive and Behavioral Patterns:
Cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing (expecting the worst possible outcome) and overestimating the likelihood of negative judgment, are common in both anxiety and people-pleasing. These distortions are likely driven by neural patterns that magnify fears of rejection, making it difficult for individuals to trust that they can set boundaries without catastrophic outcomes.
Breaking the Cycle:
Ultimately the ingrained role and behaviors of people pleasing present as most problematic during periods of time when humans gain insight, feel an acute sense of shame; often because of self perception of failure within that role. In many instances, this occurs in the prodromal stages of psychological illness or as a part of discovery in early stages of psychotherapy. The entry to change for these behaviors and subsequent change
Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are effective at addressing both anxiety and people-pleasing. CBT targets the cognitive distortions that drive these behaviors and helps individuals reframe their thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms. It can also help regulate the emotional response by teaching strategies for managing social anxiety, like mindfulness and gradual exposure to situations where they assert their needs.
In summary, anxiety and people-pleasing are neurologically connected, with shared brain mechanisms that amplify both the fear of rejection and the drive to gain social approval. Overcoming these patterns requires rewiring these neural pathways through therapy, mindfulness, and self-compassion.
